Campman Outdoor Gear & Apparel

"There are times when the bravest thing we can do is to ask for help."

Let me just begin by saying, “Mom, you’re a hero.”

As a mother of four grown sons and a Gmama to four grandbabies, I applaud you. I am not unaware that we live in days fraught with confusion and peril. Parenting has never demanded more wisdom and courage. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when our children are inundated with so many conflicting messages and the demise of social boundaries and norms. Our day demands bravery, which is why I wanted to write Lizzy the Lioness, a children’s picture book I wrote for my third grandchild by the same name with the theme: There are times when the bravest thing we can do is to ask for help.

Did you hear that? Somewhere down the line, we decided that asking for help was a sign of weakness rather than a sign of wisdom. We forgot that courage happens in community.

I remember when I was a young mother I tried to engage my boys in deep, meaningful conversations as soon as they came home from school. No matter how many times I asked them how their day was, their answers were the same … "Fine." Over dinner I’d make a second attempt. And again, no one really opened up and talked about their day. But bedtime was another story altogether. Suddenly, my sons were ready to unburden their souls. But by this point in the day I was exhausted with one goal in mind: I must get four boys down for the night!

Why hadn't they been willing to speak earlier? I was no longer even intelligent and my reactions swayed between being overcharged to missing out on the subtleties of the situation, which brings me to my first suggestion:

1. Create a margin for these moments at bedtime. Bedtime might not be your optimum time either; it's when parents are tired, but children are tender. You don’t want to miss out on these chances. There won’t be deep, meaningful conversations every night, but put them to bed in a way that if a deep conversation needs to happen, it can. The goal of these is to:

-- Foster intentional conversations.
-- Locate specific areas of need, fear or vulnerability. -- Position you to equip your children. -- Help your children know when and who to ask for help.

2. When they share with you, be safe. Don't overreact. Don't demand names and phone numbers. Take a deep breath and listen. I will be the first to admit I didn’t always do this part well.

Children follow what we model even more than what we say. If they never see you need or ask for help, they are not going to believe you when you say that it is brave to ask for it. I know this sounds counterintuitive, but be vulnerable with them. When you are gathered around the dinner table, rather than probe your children for answers, why not share a challenge that you are presently going through? Tell them how you are thinking of navigating the issue. Ask them for their prayers and thoughts on the situation.

3. Make them part of the process (not the drama). When you do, it will help them process and relate with you in the future. And you may just be shocked at the great advice you will get from your children. Even if they say, “I don’t know,” admit you don't either and ask them who they think you could ask for help.

4. Play with them. Lions learn through play just like humans. Playtime is when imaginations kick in and parents and children can interact with one another on equal footing. Our family played ping pong, foosball and cards together almost nightly. It could be a project, a puzzle, baking cookies or even a walk outside—simply anything that requires you to be engaged.

Whether we feel qualified or not, related adults (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and guardians) are our children’s best guides in life. Our vulnerability and experience, in both our mistakes and successes, can go a long way in teaching others. So be brave, beautiful mothers, and ask for whatever help you need—your children are watching you!